#Signs of complex narcissistic trauma how to#

Sometimes they end up feeling like a chronically misunderstood outsider, and struggle with anger and fear. So, they drop out, feel chronically alone and helpless. Or, they may realize that there just isn’t any place for them in their parents’ world. Making things even more difficult, the parent often subjects them to “gaslighting”, which leads the child to deeply doubt his/her own reality. A child living with narcissists might buy into that dreamworld and adopt it as their own. Often they believe they are smarter than everyone else and will have fantasies about their own power. In their dreamworld, they think of themselves as better. It’s no wonder why it’s so hard to be happy with a narcissist. Being unwilling to acknowledge their flaws and mistakes, they usually heavily rely on criticism and blame so the narcissistic parent usually doesn’t take much responsibility for problems. So they don’t see or acknowledge their own faults. Usually the narcissistic parent lacks insight. And in this world, which cannot go wrong. Narcissists are often stuck in a kind of perfection based dream world.

Any relationship formed is one in which someone is being usedīut healthy relationships aren’t meant to work that way! Rather, they are supposed to be fulfilling for both people, based on mutual trust and friendship.

Or, the child learns from narcissistic parents that people are meant to be used for their own gain. When they do, it often comes out the wrong way. They have a hard time expressing their emotions.

#Signs of complex narcissistic trauma how to#

On the one hand, a child of narcissists struggles with relationships because they don’t know how to see themselves as equals with others. Again, it’s possible to see two outcomes. Using People Rather Than Cherishing RelationshipsĪnother way narcissism affects children and compounds C-PTSD occurs when the child tries to create relationships with other people. Instead, their relationships take on a “one up, one down” quality. In these types of relationships, one person wins, the other person loses. However, the result is that the child, in either scenario, will struggle with forming safe, cooperative, healthy intimate relationships.

They take up all the space, and ignore or dominate their loved ones. This lesson sticks with them into adulthood as they try to form relationships of their own.

The child tries to mimic their parents to put themselves first all of the time.

This, in turn, greatly wears down their self-esteem. They might become a chronic people pleaser, or feel chronically overwhelmed and helpless. So, the child learns to ignore, numb or push down those needs for those of others.

A child learns that whatever their needs are, no matter how important they are to them, take less priority than their parents’ needs.

A range of possibilities emerge from this type of childhood, often they include: A narcissistic parent doesn’t much consider the needs of anyone else first and models this for their child.

One way that life with a narcissist contributes to C-PTSD is that a child sees the way a parent treats themselves as the most important consideration- all the time. Consider the fallout below: When Mom or Dad is #1 All the Time The result is that they can grow up severely emotionally damaged from the experience. Instead they sense that their parents are adversaries who use them to meet their own needs. They know they won’t be helped or soothed. They learn early that they can only count on being overlooked or attacked by their parent. What happens to a child if they are raised by a narcissistic parent? The child feels the type of chronic stress and fear that comes from knowing they can only expect the worst. Just for moment, imagine the hell it is for a vulnerable child.

Receiving narcissistic abuse is crushing as an adult. It results from being raised in a household with a narcissist, and suffering their prolonged and sustained abuse. Then, there is a form of abuse that contributes to C-PTSD that isn’t as obvious. Instead, it was prolonged and repetitive. But when someone is coping with C-PTSD symptoms, it’s because the abuse they endured wasn’t a single terrifying event. At other times, it was emotional cruelty, such as telling a child they are not loved or not worthy. Sometimes that abuse was physical, such as hitting. When we think of complex post-traumatic stress disorder, C-PTSD, it’s often in the context of children who were raised with abusive parents.